Filed under: blogging, depression, family, life | Tags: emotional, family, girlfriends, ratioanlity
I have gotten into quite a bit of trouble this week.
Most of this trouble I have found myself in was within my own family, this meaning I have pissed a lot of people off.
This action was all uintentional, meaning that people have been on edge, or overlly sensitive over particular things and lashed out, primarilly at me.
This is not unusual.
The most recent being that of my brother and his girlfriend.
I merely told her that she had upset some people this week, or more-so asked if she knew that she’d upset some people this week and that it seemed as if she’d told Luke not to stay at my sisters so she could take him to get a present.
Soon enough after asking her this, albeit over msn messenger; I recieved a phonecall from my brother who said, “You’re a Fucking Bitch”
Soon enough the phone was taken from me and my mother came and loudly told me off, as of his request. She tells me that I needed to be more tactfull and that the woman I had apparently insulted thought I was being mean and that discussion has gone on for several days now.
I haven’t heard from him yet, not even a reply from his birthday message.
Prior to that my sister had gone off on me when I had said, why don’t you go home then. Earlier in the night I had said it, “Go home Ali,” Mimicing a two year old who said it the other day, clearly she didn’t pick that up and yelled, screamed and carried on. Causing another series of scoldings, for my insensitivity.
No one ever gets scolded for being over-sensitive.
I am supposed to eb the emotional one in the family.
The reason as to why I had told her to go home was simply, she had said something along the lines of, ‘it’s getting late, I still need to dye my hair,’ I think with an addition of something about having to work all the next day.
I guess I am just Emotionally Numb.
Filed under: Humanity, blogging, family, friends, health, life, teenagers, the smiley news | Tags: conversation, Dinner, family, society, television
Who is it that you share your nightly meals with?
Is it your house/flat/room-mates?
Is it your Family?
Or is it your television?
These are the questions I would like to find the answers to, do you share you nightly meal discussing your day with your familiars, do you eat alone in front of the television watching the nightly news, or depending on what time and channel you are watching; the weekly drama of Desperate Housewives?
On most nights my family and I sit at our Dining table, sometime between 6 and 8pm to eat, to talk, to learn. We learn what we did in the day, what’s on our minds, what is driving one another crazy once again at work or at school. We gossip, we discuss we debate or as Mum calls it, argue. We are a family.
Before moving in with our new family, which gave me a new younger sister and a father-type-person, we did not share this. My older sister who lives up away from this in a house sharing with one other (Formerly Two others) noticed it. We never sat at the table, and even prior to becoming used to it, I looked down on those who’d sit together at a table. Posh types who believed in the Christian Right-wing type of nuclear-Christian family.
When I thought of eating at a table, I thought of praying to a god I never believed in, in being told to get my elbows off the table. Of awkward quiet times in that rarely used room in my grandparents (On my original fathers sides) abode.
Now however, when I think of eating together. I feel, happier, more willing to engage in this nightly ritual only broken every now and again. I think of how lonely the meals were with only the news to keep me company, no arguments over the table over whether one of us is mature, or whether I am too nosy. Who will have a better career in the end, and whether it will matter at all how much we will make. Whether or not we should get solar, or try another alternative source. Whatever is the hot topic, or million topics of the day!
When company comes over, we share great meals over this table, and if it is not big enough…we get more tables and fill more then the extension of the dining area. It is a wonderful time, and I have never felt more in touch with my family, extended and those who I live with on a day-to-day basis.
This is my account thus far, of what my life around a table is. I would like to hear about yours, what is it you eat with, who you eat with and what it means?
Filed under: Blogroll, Internet and Gaming, blogging, children, family, health, karma, the smiley news | Tags: computers and internet, eyes, karma, pain, smiley news
Karma is a real Bitch isn’t it?
I am learning this for myself, as I begin my third day of work, at coles…technically my first…I fainted on the first and only finished the training on the second.
So anywho that is all nothing to do with karma being a bitch. Me working means me gets more money. This is about computers and internet.
Now that I work I go to bed much earlier and thus sleep more so I don’t fall asleep because I am doing 8 hours days right off the bat after having yobbed at home for about a year.
I was spending most of my time on the internet. All day in fact, and my work happens to begin on the first week of school holidays the day after my younger brothers birthday. I come home yesterday, my brother is ont he internet, I requestusage and ish denied. At least I let him go on before I or he wanted to go to bed.
So until 6 o’clock he was on the internet, at which time I went on, only to be kicked off momentarilly by Mum and Paul who wanted to check their e-mails. Oh and Luke again had interfered and after spending all that time on during the day, now wanted to show Paul a youtube video of some crappy Halo three thing.
Anyway following that while mum and paul did their email thing which was acting up, Luke decided to hit me with a pipe cleaner. You know the furry things with wire in them.
And anyway he yobbed me in the eye with it. That hurt. Well then we both were banned form the computer for me getting lobbed in the eye with a pipe cleaner.
Thats the news in ym world whats yours?
-Smiley
Filed under: blogging, chasers, chasers war on everything, family, health, work
Okay today is October the third.
Today I officially started my first day of my job yay.
Bad News: I went home early due to Headaches and fainting because I am inable to do work for a period longer then two hours.
No really, no blood circulation is bad. For my brain. And My body. Kya!!!
—-on to the subject of importance—-
Birthdays.
Well no-one as of yet has asked for a shout out or a birthday greeting, or even a subject or discussion topic.
But Yesterday it was my Brothers 16th birthday, I didn’t see him at all, he was at his assho- I mean fathers house.
So happy birthday to Him and on the first it was my Great Grand-Dad’s birthday.
He is now officially 89
So yeah I only bought Lukes Birthday present (brother) which is a chasers war on Everything Season 2 on DVD.
So yay.
Filed under: Australia, Environment, History, Humanity, Schadenfreude, beauty, blogging, crime, death, death row, dreams, family, friends, health, life, murder, nature, psychology, school, teenagers, writing.
I saw a comet tonight. It just flew across the night sky into the clouds, as I happened to look up into the sky as I was out there, as I often am at night, thinking and looking at the stars. I said it before, that back in Collie I didn’t get to see the stars much, and once I could again, it was truly beautiful a sight. Immediately I ran inside and told Luke about it and then went back outside my heart pounding. You’d never think such a thing could have such an effect on someone, but nature, it is truly beautiful and it reveals it’s beauty when you don’t really expect it.
My mind ended up drifting to something that got me thinking, on Andrew Denton about a nun who had been with several men on death row and been with them, and watched them die. About how these people are human and how whenever someone dies, in this society there are always two sides. The victims and their family, and the perpetrators of a crime like murder. Like how some people can forgive, and some people only seek vengeance. The public would also like to seek the perpetrators of the crime punished and even killed. SheudenFreude. It is a word, which I have made myself aware of in the past few months. In generality it means that someone had taken pleasure from another’s pain. We would like to see killers killed and suffer.
Also, by killing a person, it isn’t the person who is going to suffer, this person is dead, once they die they are gone, they don’t feel anything. I know many people believe many things, but in any case, after death, there is no more pain, not for the one who has died. However, for those who are left alive, who hold memories of them once they were alive, they feel pain. For everyone who ever lived, there was someone they interacted with, someone they may have touched in some way. That is what a funeral is for, that is what the living need, to help them deal with the pain. To say goodbye. For everyone, there was a family, a friend, someone they occasionally looked at. Any kind of connection, everything you do, everyone who you meet is touched in some way by you.
This brings me to another point, my high school years. Another thing I have been thinking about a lot, on how I went through rapid psychological growth and became aware of myself fully and those around me. In year nine, I had decided I might like to become a writer and read in the job guide that I would need to have good observational skills. That is when I started actively trying to look at people, soon it became natural and I just fit in better, life became better as well, once I could see how people were, and started to try and understand them.
My family split up when I was finishing primary School, it seems I was the least…distraught about the entire situation. I don’t want to go through those details because I am talking now about my highschool and a certain second or third cousin of mine who I attended High school with. I was excited to be in highschool with my cousin or whatever when I was young and naiive. At about year nine, when I was still an introvert… I had come to the realisation that he as I was, underwent some pretty severe bullying. I wasn’t bold enough to do so but I in my mind this is, wanted to be able to stick up for him. I honestly was to scared, I remember thinking that i should go over and say dont pick on him, but I was being pessimistic and egocentric afraid of what would happen to me.
He and I, we were ont he different sides of our faimly split, or more so mine. He was on my fathers who i for unspecified reasons no longer see, speak to or interact with outside of hearing from him from my younger brother and sister. I was on my mothers side, who I admire a lot for leaving him. We would often argue briefly about family issues and the truth of what happened. My mother, and my father…though I am ashamed to admit it, he is in fact it split and I have little contact at all with his family. The cousin, (if your reading you know who you are) was pretty much my link to that family, and I kind of wish we had become better friends. Even at home, you were being jestered at, I even found myself defending him. he isn’t a bad guy at all, I mean he can be pretty cool.
Now to summarise and round up, I appreciate everyone I meet, and have any bonds with at any time. I don’t want to feel happiness from another, even a bad persons suffering or death. everyone I have been taught by, Friends with, Classmates, Spoken to and some who i even never have made contact with, will touch me in some way. I don’t want to become someone who isn’t affected and is apathetic about life. It is short and beautiful, and you should appreciate all the stars even if they fade and you can barley see. Not just the coments who make your heart beat.
-Smiley.
