Filed under: Australia, Environment, History, Humanity, Schadenfreude, beauty, blogging, crime, death, death row, dreams, family, friends, health, life, murder, nature, psychology, school, teenagers, writing.
I saw a comet tonight. It just flew across the night sky into the clouds, as I happened to look up into the sky as I was out there, as I often am at night, thinking and looking at the stars. I said it before, that back in Collie I didn’t get to see the stars much, and once I could again, it was truly beautiful a sight. Immediately I ran inside and told Luke about it and then went back outside my heart pounding. You’d never think such a thing could have such an effect on someone, but nature, it is truly beautiful and it reveals it’s beauty when you don’t really expect it.
My mind ended up drifting to something that got me thinking, on Andrew Denton about a nun who had been with several men on death row and been with them, and watched them die. About how these people are human and how whenever someone dies, in this society there are always two sides. The victims and their family, and the perpetrators of a crime like murder. Like how some people can forgive, and some people only seek vengeance. The public would also like to seek the perpetrators of the crime punished and even killed. SheudenFreude. It is a word, which I have made myself aware of in the past few months. In generality it means that someone had taken pleasure from another’s pain. We would like to see killers killed and suffer.
Also, by killing a person, it isn’t the person who is going to suffer, this person is dead, once they die they are gone, they don’t feel anything. I know many people believe many things, but in any case, after death, there is no more pain, not for the one who has died. However, for those who are left alive, who hold memories of them once they were alive, they feel pain. For everyone who ever lived, there was someone they interacted with, someone they may have touched in some way. That is what a funeral is for, that is what the living need, to help them deal with the pain. To say goodbye. For everyone, there was a family, a friend, someone they occasionally looked at. Any kind of connection, everything you do, everyone who you meet is touched in some way by you.
This brings me to another point, my high school years. Another thing I have been thinking about a lot, on how I went through rapid psychological growth and became aware of myself fully and those around me. In year nine, I had decided I might like to become a writer and read in the job guide that I would need to have good observational skills. That is when I started actively trying to look at people, soon it became natural and I just fit in better, life became better as well, once I could see how people were, and started to try and understand them.
My family split up when I was finishing primary School, it seems I was the least…distraught about the entire situation. I don’t want to go through those details because I am talking now about my highschool and a certain second or third cousin of mine who I attended High school with. I was excited to be in highschool with my cousin or whatever when I was young and naiive. At about year nine, when I was still an introvert… I had come to the realisation that he as I was, underwent some pretty severe bullying. I wasn’t bold enough to do so but I in my mind this is, wanted to be able to stick up for him. I honestly was to scared, I remember thinking that i should go over and say dont pick on him, but I was being pessimistic and egocentric afraid of what would happen to me.
He and I, we were ont he different sides of our faimly split, or more so mine. He was on my fathers who i for unspecified reasons no longer see, speak to or interact with outside of hearing from him from my younger brother and sister. I was on my mothers side, who I admire a lot for leaving him. We would often argue briefly about family issues and the truth of what happened. My mother, and my father…though I am ashamed to admit it, he is in fact it split and I have little contact at all with his family. The cousin, (if your reading you know who you are) was pretty much my link to that family, and I kind of wish we had become better friends. Even at home, you were being jestered at, I even found myself defending him. he isn’t a bad guy at all, I mean he can be pretty cool.
Now to summarise and round up, I appreciate everyone I meet, and have any bonds with at any time. I don’t want to feel happiness from another, even a bad persons suffering or death. everyone I have been taught by, Friends with, Classmates, Spoken to and some who i even never have made contact with, will touch me in some way. I don’t want to become someone who isn’t affected and is apathetic about life. It is short and beautiful, and you should appreciate all the stars even if they fade and you can barley see. Not just the coments who make your heart beat.
-Smiley.
I haven’t been in a blogging mood in a while and I am tired of it so I desperate to write. Am going to tell you about my dream.
As you might know fromt he experience of your own dreams is that, a lot of the dream often disspears into your minds caves till a nother night. So this is bits and pieces of that dream of which I had, for those of you who like to translate dreams, feel free to do so.
It is saturday Night at the Pub. Just a regular night except for one thing, a whole lot of people from my high school years are there instead of just a random bunch of blokes and shielas. We all start drinking and soon before we know it, we are all riding on a bus, we drive by the Primary school and wave to where we used to attend. Soon we are on the road to whoopp whoop. Suddenly we Realise the Driver, one of us. Is drunk. And we begin to swerve across the road. “STOP…” I keep yelling and see a cop car behind us once, but it soon dissapears.
Slowly people begin to just get off until it is finally me, and the bus is now a wheelchair. I stop the bus chair with my feet, and walk off to the side of the road. There I sit tired with some people who are not as fammiliar as those others from before. I sit and lay for a while with them, One of who i am sure is rebbecah a girl I was friends with for a short time on a Police rangers camp 3 years ago.
Soon I decide to go off to where all my ‘friends’ whop were drunk onm the bus. The Tar of the road, it was soft and cushiony like it has sand beneath it and was just a layer of lino hiding sand. Kirby calls out saying Daniel made a place for you. There are two guys buried lightly in the sand,and there Daniel making a place by laying there. I go over and lay int hat sand he was on, slipping and hitting the two other guys who are alive by the way. I lay there and well Corey one of the ones next to mekicks Daniel and I move away after a bit of a wrestle.
And tha is all I remember other then the Sherbert plants.
-Smiley
