In all honesty, us cynical bloggers LOVE Valentines Day. No other day of the year do we get such a free pass to mock those celebrating this (and I use the term loosely) Holiday. But they open themselves up for ridicule don’t they? Celebrating your love one day isn’t nearly enough. In fact the very next day the men and women will be back to the old tricks, complaining about their significant others lack of interest in them and their interests, whilst they fight tooth and nail to get involved in any of their interests. This is valid for both genders, but refers to 90% of women.

It is not a single thing, or even two or three things on a list which create a tool, the culmination of these things, that is what creates the level of tool.  After all who among us does not have one or two little hints of toolism, myself included.  So without further stalling, I give you the Tool list Version 1.0

The Tool List

1. Hoodie is worn on head – Indoors
2. Low Hanging Pants +2 Points if Belt is Worn
3. Tribal Tattoo’s for those who are NOT in a tribe
4. Sk8r Shoes with brightly coloured laces +2 Points extra +2 for non skaters
5. Dreadlocks for anyone under the age of 16
6. Wearing Sunglasses Indoors
7. Those Funny Tee Shirts that Every Tool Wears
8. Drives a Brightly Coloured Commodore and rents Extra points for those who struggle to pay that rent
9. Abuses Police Officers From Where they cannot be seen or Heard
10. Drives with loud Music for the purpose of Drawing the Attention of Others
11. Go around Town with no shirt on Extra points for Winter
12. Call yourself a Juggalo or Juggalette *this grants an automated 50 Points
13. Is a hard ass online, but refuses to not fence sit when face to face
14. Enjoys Friedberg – Seltzer Films

This may be a bit dated to say, but I finally am getting down to it. Princess Mary having twins is NOT A MIRACLE! This set of twins will bring her count up to if I haven’t blinked and she squeezed out one or two in secret, four children. It tires me to say that every child is a miracle, sure the other day when I crossed the path of a four day old boy, I thought, Holy Crap, that thing grew in that ladies gut, it kind of grossed me out.

If something happens nearly490,000 times a day, does it still consitute a miracle? That comes to 178,850,000, a year, not counting a leap year. One Hundred and Seventy Eight Million, Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand births a year. Does that discount it as a miracle?

Sure for you parents who struggle, have gone through IVF treatments, or were born male, having a child is probably a bit of a miracle, but please to those very fertile women, or editors of magazines who are clucky and concerned that your husband, boyfriend, lesbian lover…. etc, will not ever give you a child…do not call a child a miracle. IT’s just what happens.

How about do a cover that says, ‘Princess Mary’s MIRACLE she is NOT pregnant for once’ or ‘Angelina and Brad Pitt are not going to have another Child, say two hundred million is enough!’ because we all know it is not going to stop till they die or just someone says ENOUGH!

So please, stop calling babies Miracles, I swear if anyone if I ever have a child calls them a miracle, I will throw you out of the top story window.

Sincerely SmilingChaos

Nothing is as Thrilling as The Submission of a Vote.

It is that time of year again, probably my favourite day as an Australian Citizen above Australia, and ANZAC day is nearing it. The day we go and use our democratic right and duty, to submit a vote in the federal Election. I on this day found myself discussing much with a lot of people, political issues, how they felt about voting, whether they’d done it or not. Perhaps my favourite thing about this years election is how close the fight for leadership of the country is. Every vote counts, and that means, every time I slip a piece of paper into that box, I am contributing to the fate of my countries future.

Gallivanting around with a flag painted over my body on January 25th, or holding my head down solemnly on ANZAC day does not give this same sense of pride, involvement and patriotism that the act of placing a few numbers on the two pieces of paper that I am given after having my name marked down. I could rattle onn about how other countries do not have this right, or how some are not forced to perform it as a civil duty akin to jury duty. But that is not needed to be said, what needs to be said is that I only get approximately 24 federal Votes in my lifetime. One every three years, state elections and referendums make up a select few additional votes.  If I were to move to say America or another country, forget to go in once, or my life is cut short, I lose that vote.  24 times in my life I will write that number on a ballot, and every time I hope to be able to treasure the fact that I am an Australian voting for the leadership of Australia.

So Australia, stop whining about going in and having your name crossed off, five minutes of your time will not kill you.  five minutes to make a difference, and to avoid a fine. Mark Latham, you can leave a blank ballot if you’d like, but as for myself, I will not waste my vote.

-SmilingChaos

Do not use the same slogan that the opposition used to smear your campaign.

As far as my memory serves me didn’t the Howard Government say that Kevin Rudd was

“Just too Big a Risk”

-SmilingChaos

Wasn't Kevin Rudd, Just too Big a Risk?

Today, you are who is concerned, because I just want to shout out, like you, because the reason you are angry, the reason you scream, and fight to be the loudest is just. You Want someone to hear you.

Someone needs to hear your screams, just to listen to you, listen to who you are, to who you want to be, your hopes, dreams, aspirations, frustrations. The reason you fight with one another, is because, within your screams at one another, you can’t hear what the other is saying.

Take a second, a minute, an hour, a day a week, month whatever it takes to listen to yourself, say what you need to be heard and listen to the person you love.

I went to a small meeting, as a guest of some small friends on Wednesday evening, and despite everyone being charming, and well very nice. I found myself once again being insulted in a way I do not think they could comprehend.

It is not the first time this has happened, and every single time I hold my tongue,  after all they are either a different generation from myself or just idiots. But as of late, I cannot find myself bearing it too much longer.

I am not wealthy, in no way at all, but I have savings, everything I own I have bought, and yet I still get the usual thing whenever I express desire for something of additional material value. It seems that I should get my boyfriend to buy it for me, or that I should get a rich husband. I shouldn’t work hard, pursue career choices and earn my way to something I want, I just go to spread my legs and have it come to me via a wealthy benefactor.

I could probably do this, after all that is what is expected of attractive young women, take the easy root (pun intended), and just have everything handed to me. No sense of actual achievement other then the fact that I was smart enough to marry a rich man who in all likelihood is sleeping with my sister.

Why is it that in the present day, that this is still expected. I thought this was the 21st century, I thought women were supposed to be independent and have their own house, choose whether to or not have kids, not have the expectation of them and they were supposed to work.

Its not the mens fault, they really just go where the flow takes them, I blame you rich wives, who sit around, have a few kids, divorce, take half the money, plus alimony and child support, so you dont have to do any real work. So go get f*****

Sincerely  SmilingChaos

Right now I am looking at Obesity Statistics,( Obesity by country)by that I mean the total percentage of a population of which is suffering from the Health condition which in layman’s terms means, really really really fat.  This is not the people who have a naturally large girth, nor the people who say, it’s all genetic, it is people who may or may not have had a pre-existing condition to make themselves bigger, people who in addition to all sorts of outside causes, may it be genetics, mental conditions (depression being the first one that springs to mind) or just a love of food, have become so FAT that it is severely impeding on their physical health and well being.

I am not going to get started on the health of tiny people, anorexia, bulimia, all other eating disorders, because there is not a well publicised and generally accepted bulimia epidemic, pro-ana is looked down upon generally by those with common sense. Obesity is in need of a serious strategy, and I am very much aware of how many governments are making a serious effort to tackle it, the consideration of taxing fast food, is not a bad one, perhaps it will encourage the poorer of the obese, or those nearing it, to try and cook their foods. But then again, the lazier of us would definitely put a higher dollar value on the effortlessness of McDonald’s, or KFC (eww), and would pay the small tax.  Or Perhaps the drive through’s should have a mandatory levy, if you are going to stuff your face, why not burn off maybe one of the calories you’ve earnt by going in and standing for a short while.

I think that society needs to change if we want to see people changing, we need to be more accepting of those willing, or trying to change. Stop abusing (fat) people walking as we damage the ozone as we speed along in commodores that probably are the reason people look at you with that look often called jealousy by the recipients, though in truth it is disdain. Be more of a judge on those obese persons going around shopping centres on gophers, I am sure that isn’t helping your weight problem. Instead of pro skinny, or pro fat, we need pro Health.

Make Gym’s the place to go again. Look into nano-foods. Stop accepting that for some people it is just too hard.  Maybe legislate something to give more Gastric Bypass for the ones who need it, it will make their consumption smaller, that and give them a new lease on life. Walk groups would be fantastic, especially if the members were not so preppy about how good they are because they walk and are maintaining a healthy lifestyle so they can keep THEIR man happy while he earns them the money to do all the hard work or hiring house cleaners.

Fast food places, not the health groups, they should be the ones who intimidate those larger persons. Health groups, be friendlier, stop offering those delicious cakes you get ‘points’ for eating. People please, just be mean when it is appropriate.

I am writing this letter to many women, some hard core feminists, others teengers just trying to win an argument. Since when has it been alright to bring out menstration and the age old we have your babies argument in a debate about, pretty much anything in order to claim victory. I have experienced the side of the male defending himself against such horrifying mindsets which I believe that it is mostly young teenaged women, some of whom don’t mature beyond this thinking, of whom employ this to win an argument.

For instance, I debate the use of over-capitalisation, in my quite, unfeministic tone, or punctuation with a person of whom is speaking 1337, or saying something about people who can spell being up themselves or something along those lines. At the point in the argument where I seem to be winning a woman might pull out, I’d like to see you spend one month as a woman and then see how you like it, or you can’t say that to me, We carry your babies. These can be used with any substitute for the topic, feminsim is the subject closest to this which brings it out more often, these persons I am finding unable to look at it subjectively, especially if they believe that who their talking to isn’t a hyper feminist, or flirting with them thus taking their side.

Why is it that anyone, especially one who is, or percieved to be male or masculine is called a sexist, or whatever else if he highlights this point out to anyone? Is it the feminist side to be able to win an argument based entirely on the fact you are capable of getting knocked up, or bleed on the full moon?

Please Get back To Me on this.

Yours Sincerely,
SmilingChaos

As soon as the plan was proposed, soon enough addicts, (which is what they are don’t forget this) were crying revenue raiser and looked to the government to place the tax on fast food outlets in reference to the increasing Obesity Epidemic in our modern Society. They were writing letters to newspapers, goverment officials, doing whatever they can so they could keep their cigarettes two dollars cheaper. Sure if say a person smoked perhaps a pack or two a day, this woould not be such an increase, but for those who this would affect the most are those two or more pack a day smokers who it is agreeable that they are heavy addicts, costing them instead of 15 -17 a pack, 17 – 19 a pack, with those two to four pack a day smokers this would increase to nearly 80 AU Dollars a day. This is what makes this plan most effective, especially in relation to the reduction of smokers, if a smoker cannot afford to smoke so much then they shant, younger persons who are less highly paid then the older memebers in working society could not afford this habit and so in the long term buying a quit pack, some are even free would be most benefitial financially.

This move though it is a deifnitive revenue raiser, is one that will most certainly benefit the entirety of the public. The poor will become healthier and shall be less of a burden on the public health system, people will live longer, and money that perhaps had gone towards cigarettes and tobacco could maybe boost the economy. Those who may still afford to, and desire to still smoke will be putting back into the health system, their smoking not only affecting themselves but also affecting those who are anywhere near them. The image of smokers if all goes to plan, will become even more unpopular, and we could get on with solving the next problem about the quality of the air we breathe.

Lets just hope it doesn’t go Underground.

-SmilingChaos